///w-a-m///

 

Another stereotype I didn't believe in turns out to be alive and well...

I share an office at work with two other people. One is a girl from the mountains of Eastern Kentucky and the other is a boy from a dairy farm in the southern part of the state. They are both also in the 18-25 demographic.
The one from the mountains is married to a boy from the same town. Her husband's mother continued to do his laundry after he was married. Her mother-in-law washes the dishes when she comes over. She would buy her son groceries if my co-worker would let her.
Then there's the guy. He goes home to his mother (an hour and a half away) every weekend.... cause she does his laundry and buys his groceries. He is a 25 year old salaried accountant. He doesn't know how to do laundry. He also thinks his mom enjoys washing his clothes.
The grocery situation is so much sadder to me. He drives his mom to the grocery store and then waits in the car while she shops. She's a legally blind widow. She pays for his groceries. He sits in the car. She buys his shampoo and razors and food. He doesn't have a problem with this. He won't even go into the grocery store with her.
He also won't order me certain things if he's going out to get lunch. Potato cakes for example. He won't order them... it sounds too feminine. Drinks without ice. I don't like ice. He won't do it. It's not masculine enough for him. Even though he knows he's ordering it for a girl.
On our boss's birthday he wouldn't go to the grocery store himself to pick up the cake. Why? cake is not masculine. I guess if you can't enter a grocery store with your handicapped mother.... then you certainly can't enter one alone and buy a pastry.
It's not just foods and learning to laundry either. He tried to convince a co-worker to sew a button back on for him one day. I offered to teach him how. Apparently if someone told the masculine police he could repair his own clothes, they would kick him out of their club. He claims to keep his apartment immaculately clean. I believe him. He's an accountant. They're like that. However, at his mom's, he thinks he can just throw things around. He admits this. She'll clean up after him.
The people at the post office gave him stamps with flowers on them once. He had issues sending his bills out with flowers on them.
I want to know... when will he be self sufficient? I ask him this. Apparently the long-term plan is to find a woman who knows how to do laundry and doesn't mind if he doesn't. She also has to be willing to go to the grocery store alone to buy his food and personal items. And do all those other non-masculine things. And he needs to find her before his mom dies.
I thought that the stereotypical "man" needed to be self sufficient. Apparently you don't need to buy your own food or take care of your own clothes. Hell, you don't even have to *pay* for your food. If there's a woman around, you don't even need to clean up after yourself.
How many of these mothers are out there? My mother stopped doing my laundry the minute I could reach the bottom of the washing machine. Once I was out of college and employed, I never dreamt of her buying my food with her money while I waited in the car.
Are there really many young men out there who are like this? Who think their stamps relect their masculinity? Who think that the people at the drive thru will judge them if they order two cokes and one doesn't have ice in it? Or you ask for potato cakes? I mean, they're just giant tator-tots... Who won't learn to wash clothes or sew on a button?
Am I alone in being appalled by this?? In thinking it's unusual??

7/28/2001 (0) comments

 

First off, I just want to say that I read my high school's semi-annual newsletter this week. One former classmate I talked to was having some sort of personal crisis over it. He looked at the class notes and decided that his life has "no meaning". We dated for several years, and, honestly, his life doesn't have much "meaning" to it. He has chosen that for himself though. He chooses not to forge meaningful relationships with people. He chooses only to give of himself to his dog and roommate and computer. I don't understand why it took a high school newsletter to make him realize this. I hope that it'll have some sort of profound impact on his life.
What I got out of reading it though was a sense of satisfaction. The JETS (junior engineering something or other) teams from my high school placed first (JV) and second (varsity) nationally. They were coached by a woman. One incredibly intelligent woman, Ms. Deborah Haggard. The teams are also always handpicked by her. The JV team contained two girls and six boys. The varsity team contained three girls and five boys. Yeah those girls placed in the best nationally in a math/science competition. It makes me feel better about that whole math olympics thing...

7/28/2001 (0) comments

 

Yesterday morning I watched this whole piece on the International Math Olympics and the USA's team on CBS's Sunday morning show. Then I wrote this whole rant about it. Then, like an idiot, I closed the window without posting it. This turns out to make the whole rant much more complete. A rant with follow-up ranting.
Okay, so there was this whole segment about the kids who went to this Math Camp. All the kids are boys. No mention of this being an all-male camp, but whatever, there were no girls. Not in one lousy shot did I see a girl. Maybe this camp was only for boys. Maybe there are other math camps for girls. Given that it's a camp, I can accept the lack of ladies. Besides, I wasn't as awake as I could have been and I wasn’t really looking for girls.
So then there's all this footage of people taking the test to get to go to the International Math Olympics. Not one girl. I was awake at this point and looking for girls. Did the girls take the test in another room? Where were the girls? Did not one girl in this country even aspire to the international math olympics? No one mentioned the lack of girls.
So, now I'm thinking, maybe this is like the physical olympics where girls and boys compete separately. I mean, this is international. Maybe I can blame random other countries for being sexist and backwards and not letting the girls play. There's no mention of the female team or the female math olympics... but then mostly they are covering this kid who is going for his unprecedented fourth consecutive gold. Maybe our girls just don't stack up internationally. I can accept that.
Okay, but then there's the footage of the opening ceremony and some girl from Columbia introduces herself. So girls *could* participate. Why did the US send 6 team members and 2 alternates and not one was female????
I was truly appalled. Where were the girls? Did not one girl in our country aspire to the international math olympics? Is there not one girl in the country who has the math skills rank in the top eight??
Honestly, now apparently I am very naive. I have been openly complaining about this for 24 hours now to anyone who would listen. I am the only one who is suprised, or bothered, by the lack of girls. When my boyfriend woke up I told him about this. He said basically that it's still true that girls just aren't expected to do well at math. He even thought maybe that there just weren't any girls who made the cut to take the test. I was shocked and dismayed by this idea.
So, I brought it up at work. No one else was even surprised. Okay, they were disinterested. No one was bothered. Not remotely.
Is the stereotype that girls are bad at math still alive? Seriously, I was a freshman in high school when I first heard this "boys are better at math" bullshit. It came from a teacher. It caused me to go running to the Headmaster in fury.
I went home and my mom laughed. She said that was funny and it was something people really did think.... a long time ago. I believed her. I hadn't come across this idea again (except for that whole Barbie who talks and says "math is hard" thing). Then I saw this whole piece.
Am I totally ignorant?? Why were there no girls representing the United States at the international math olympics??????

7/16/2001 (0) comments

 

My little sister is bringing her boyfriend to our "family" Florida vacation this upcoming week. They are a very cool couple... my sister is getting very nervous about it, which I think is a bit cute, but I'm keeping myself big sisterly... "It'll be OK, there are going to be 30 people there, you don't have to be the one entertaining him all the time... Eric is cool, we know him, we know he's probably not going to freak everyone out, and if he does... well maybe it's good to see that now and plus, you'll learn a new use for underwear after seeing him run across the beach with it on his head... hahaha..."

I'll admit I'm also feeling a little pang of, "Dammit! I must be sure to have phil or terry come to my cousin's wedding next month! Little sister can't be in serious relationships! I'm the bigger one! I should be able to give her better advice about this!"

Then I realize, I'm totally happy now and I love being independent and having good guy pals wherever I go... so why do I feel like I need to be having both good guy pals and one, solid, stable person right now? Thoughts like this, to me, are how people end up in bad situations or get divorced later so then all the playing with good guy friends is that much better... and I'm content with that, it's me right now. Then why do I feel like I need to show that a singular person is in my life and I'm dedicated to keeping that person there?
Elizabeth

7/12/2001 (0) comments

 

i've visiting my family (which is no longer the cohesive whole of the family living in the same house and getting along together) down in tennessee for the last ten days i have of freedom from a full time job. (it is what i call my last glimpse of a summer vacation before i have to actually be an adult and actually work for survival.) they live in a small town, with a dead mall and a Super Walmart.
i refuse to go to walmart for multiple reasons (it is big and scary, i'm disturbed at the idea of buying food at the same place as you buy clothing and stuff for the car, they censor music, it is a large corporation that is putting mom and pop shops out of business.... the list goes on)

but one of main reasons why i don't believe in supporting walmart boils down to their christian ethics influencing pharmacies.

i found myself out to dinner with just my dad and my two brothers... and we were talking about the evils of walmart. (but even as evil walmart is, they still end up shopping there because it is the only big store in town.) one of them being is that they refuse to fill any prescriptions for a certain form of contraceptives for women.
"What kind of contraceptives are you talking about?" my dad asked of me..
_morning after pills_
"But isn't RU486 illegal?" spoke my father
_that isn't a morning after pill_
"Yeah it is... I've heard that it is illegal" spoke my brother nick
_but it isn't a morning after pill, it is an abortion pill.. two completely different things_
"But they're illegal"...... "What is the difference?" spoke my father
_once induces abortions.. the other. the morning after pill, the drug which walmart refuses to stock.. actually prevents pregnancies from happening... in case of accidents._
"But that's illegal........." spoke my brother nick

*sigh*

somehow i wanted to insert into this circular sounding conversation, that i know from experience that morning after pills are legal. but how exactly am i supposed to approach the subject? (i physically went into a clinic, where i found out that i am a 1/4 of an inch shorter than i thought i was *sigh*.. and i got an actual prescription from a nurse who told me to avoid Walmart Pharmacies because they will not fill the prescription... ) should i tell my dad that i took two pills, 12 hours apart from the other, from the brand "plan b"... a drug that is going to become over the counter....... how do i even begin to get that thru to my siblings and my parents, who are lost in the bible belt???

7/07/2001 (0) comments

 

i drive a convertible. really, my car, jerry, is little more than a golf cart with doors. he's just a little geo metro convertible who turned 100,000 miles over the weekend. we had a little celebration for him. he got new spark plugs and i threw out all the trash on his floor.
there are certain odd obligations that i think come with driving a convertible. for example, music. when i turn up my radio, everyone can hear it. people stare when they hear folk-rock (or eighties pop) blasting out of a car. they can stare. i feel that i am adding culture to the world by subjecting them to my very very odd tastes in music.
also, people think that the fact that i am in a convertible means that it's suddenly okay to talk to me in traffic. i don't mind. i just think it's funny. they ask for directions, if i will let them over, proposition me for sex, just start random conversations sometimes... it's fun. they roll down their windows and just assume since i don't have a roof over my head, i want to talk to them. if you know me, you know i would talk to the walls if they would just nod at me. so, i like this.
i really like it when people stare at my car in envy. this doesn't happen much, as jerry is old and tiny and has no muffler. more often, people stare at it like "what the hell kinda car is that?". seriously, have you ever seen a geo metro convertible?? they look like maybe some odd french car. particularly with the roof up. and jerry sounds lovely. he needs a whole new exhaust system. and he's going to get it soon too.
but i love jerry. triple a doesn't love jerry. they've had to come and jump him and change his tires and tow him to the nearest garage. but he turned 100,000 miles over the weekend and he deserves some recognition. not all cars make the 100,000 mile mark. he's little and he's cute and most of the time he takes me where i want to go...
but now my lunch break is over. usually i go for a little drive during lunch, but today jerry is out on loan. so i had to stay here. and tell the world about my car....

7/03/2001 (0) comments

 

Something new for w-a-m. It's been months...
w-a-m has been around for years. i am bound and determined not to let it die. i want it to exist in the 'best' medium possible, which has involved a great degree of changing formats over the years. here's the latest one.
the idea: sort of a hybridization of the e mail list and the web site. stuff gets posted up here, everyone and anyone can discuss it. how fun. try it, discuss.

7/03/2001 (0) comments