Shoe Metaphors
A long time ago, one of my friends used the metaphor of himself as a pair of practical shoes and another friend as a pair of "flashy seventeen year old feet" to ask me whether or not I thought he had a chance with her.
It has since been pointed out to me that when he started talking about relationships in terms of footwear we should have known right then and there he was gay. However, that didn't come until much later.
For five years, I have thought about guys in terms of "dating you is like wearing what sort of shoe?". "Are you right for the calluses I am currently dealing with?" We all know that the right fitting shoe in the right style can go far. A shoe that is "so cute" but constricts your foot just a little too much might not be worth the sacrifice and will get thrown into the back of the closet quickly.
Once you find that shoe... the shoe that fits you and your lifestyle and your personality so well... you have to deal with durability. Will it hold up for the long haul? Sometimes you know going in that this shoe is for this season only. Sometimes you only want a summer sandal. Sometimes you think the shoe is well made and will hold up. Then one day you realise that it's falling apart. You hang on to it as long as you can, but eventually either you give up or the shoe gives out on you.
There are pumps, those guys who seem okay and practical and like really they go well with almost everything, but really, pumps are not fun, hard on your ankles, nearly impossible fit into a casual outfit, and give me blisters. I'm not saying that some women don't do well with a pair of pumps as their primary shoe. I just don't. Pumps are good for a business dinner, bad for a day at home. You know those guys. They're completely acceptable for the rest of the world, but just not quite ready for everyday use. It's not that they fall apart. They're sturdy, timeless, ready to go the long haul. They just aren't right for you.
There are platforms. Those guys that are fun and flashy and great for a night out. Platforms can go with jeans and skirts. They can go to work. They can go to the clubs. They aren't easy on everyone though. They're demanding. You need to be willing to wear longer jeans, have strong ankles, sacrifice a certain degree of being able to feel the ground, and they can be hard on your back. You can't wear most platforms with shorts. Once I'm used to wearing a pair, I can wear them everywhere, everyday. After my summer sandals though, it's hard to go back. You don't wear platforms out to dinner with your family. Or I don't. And many times, platforms give out on you long before you give out on them. We've all dated those guys. They're fun. Some of them are just fun and have no practical value. Some of them can cope with a professional situation. Some of them are nearly impossible to date, but so cute! Some of them just think they're cute. In the end though, there's always a degree of adjustment neccessary before I can wear or date a pair of platforms in the long term. And it's hard to find a pair of platforms that will go out to dinner with my mother. And sometimes, you have to do without them. They just don't go with shorts.
A guy who is like a pair of hiking boots is never going to be quite right when you have to wear a dress. He's comfortable. He's sturdy. He's fun in the right situation. He'll cause no harm to your feet or ankles. With the right pants, hiking boots will go out on the town. A nice pair of hiking boots can go basically everywhere I want to go. Hiking boots can even be worn to my workplace or out with my family. They're just so damned casual, while at the same time smothering the foot. Hking boots guys want to take care of you.
Sandal guys will leave you with room to breathe. Sometimes though, you need to be a bit more covered up. Sandal guys are there for you in the sun and they'll stick around through the rain, but they don't really help the situation much. Sandal guys are fun and cute and go anywhere, but they have to go when the weather gets rough. Sandal guys are gonna mostly see you through the glass on the ground, but they're not going to help in the sticker bushes. Sandal guys are not for the long term. Unless you're willing to sacrifice your toes to them.
What I am looking for in terms of coverage is a clog. I know, there's so little committment in most clogs. They'll slip right off your feet, or you can kick them right off. I've known some clogs that will stay right on your foot with barely an adjustment to your step. But you're not going to stub your toe in clogs. They'll see you through most of what I deal with. And they leave you with room to breathe. That's important to me.
I don't need to deal with any problematic heels in my next pair of shoes. I don't want "flats" (sure they're harmless. They won't hurt you, maybe a blister. They can be fun sometimes. Ultimately though, They're sole-less.) But I don't need any ankle-twisting drama heels. I want a nice tough, lugsole. Just a nice pair of lug soled clogs.
Basically I am looking for a guy who resembles my Simple. clogs. They're not attention grabbing, but at the same time, they're very cute. They're comfortable most of the time. They go hiking, they go to work, they'll go with the skirt or the jeans or the shorts. I love them, but they don't make me feel bad when I don't always wear them out with my friends. They aren't the cute shoes in the back of the closet going "wear me, mary, I'm cute!". My mother doesn't see the attraction, but she doesn't hate them. They're earthy-girl shoes. They'll go to the bar and dance all night. They've been around for years and only get better with age.
I can see the personal ad now... "SWF seeks guy who resembles her Simple. clogs for ...."
10/24/2002
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