Isn't everyone a feminist?
Brace yourselves, kids, I am going in for the rant.
Is it still controversial to label oneself a feminist? I mean, I know that sometimes I am way out in left field so far that I don't even know that's going on in the center let alone over there in right field, but really, how did I miss the boat? How did I spend at least the last seventeen years believing in feminism without finding out that there are educated people out there who don't share my beliefs?
I grew up in America, free, white and middle class. Also female and disabled. I believe in equal rights. I believe that no one has the right to tell me I should or should not do anything because I am female. I believe that I should have the same opportunity to have kids and a career and a fair paycheck as anyone else. Isn't that how everyone feels?
I was raised with the knowledge that "you've come a long way, baby" required the retort that if we'd gotten to the destination, you wouldn't be calling me baby.
I know that there are people out there who really do think that it is my mission in life to find myself a nice husband and make some babies and raise those babies.
I confront those people every damned day. I deal with people who are like "You should shave your legs because that's what girls do." But the thing is that I just always figured there was something missing in their worldview. That I needed to educate them that the hairy legs come with the boobs. That they are a package deal and if I'm going to be happy to have breasts, I might as well be happy to have leg hair. And I understand that some people really do like the way their legs feel hairless. Fine. I don't. Why can't that just be my personal choice? No one is turning up their nose at me because I wear cotton undies and they prefer silky ones. If it were a matter of taste, I'd let it go.
But first you should ask yourself why you are doing these things. Are you doing them because that's what women do? Or are you doing them because you want to? Because you really have evaluated your options and this one is preferable? Or because you've never questioned what you've been told?
Are there really still thinking people out there who believe that to be a feminist means to be anti-male? Don't we all know by now that being a feminist simply means that you believe that all people deserve equal treatment and equal rights? Then I say we have more work to do!
And how did we reach a point at which some people don't appreciate all the work that has gone into all of this? There are girls out there who excersize their right to a safe, legal, clinical abortion without any gratitude to the women who worked so hard to make that possible. I mean, how can you look back and know that you didn't always have these rights and not be willing to fight to keep them? How can you take your right to vote for granted? How can you excersize your rights and still not call yourself a feminist?
"Do you really feel like you are discriminated against?" someone asks me. Um, yes, as long as people are trying to tell me that what I don't do in the shower is inappropriate because of my gender, I'd say there's some pretty serious discrimination going on here.
As long as there are girls who can't talk about their periods. Who can't admit to touching themselves "down there". Who really think that males can have both children and careers, but there's something wrong with you if you're female and you want both children and a career... Then I feel discriminated against.
And besides which, what does my feminism really have to do with currently being discriminated against? I believe that everyone should be treated equally regardless of gender. That's enough to qualify for the title of feminist. And isn't there enough in the past to keep us wary? It wasn't that long ago that women really got any rights.
Someone that I respected actually told me tonight that if you are a woman and you have a child you should be happy to give up your personal identity to raise that child. But it's "different" for men. Why? Because we have wombs.
Did you know this is going on? I mean, I knew on some level... but I just can't accept this. I just can't accept that there are thinking, reasonable people who are not feminists.
And then there are all the "third wave" issues. You tell me that you know what would drive a girl to be anorexic but that it's different for guys. But you can't tell me that's unfair? That something needs to change? That there's something wrong with this picture? Really? Because I think there is. What about all those people who call us girls who are engaging in extra-marital sex sluts and such, but "that's normal for guys." Is that fair? Does something not need to change here??
I hate that I feel called to engage in debates, in merciless debates, with my friends. But the thing is that I know I am right. I know that so whole heartedly that I can't fathom that there is another side to this debate. And this is some serious shit we're dealing with. We're talking about my position in the world here. I just didn't realize that there were still so many people out there who wanted to limit it for me simply because I'm a girl.
8/28/2002
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