My Mom's Death
my mom died when i was 2. it was a car accident. on the way home from grandma's. i was in the car. so was the rest of my family. my dad broke his leg. i got a piece of glass through the eyebrow. my 6-month-old sister broke her leg. my 4 year-old-brother was bruised. my mom suffocated under the dashboard. she drove straight underneath a truck. it was the other person's fault.
i often listen to the song "last kiss," the pearl jam version. i wonder if that's how it was when my mom died. did my dad hold her hand, crying, saying things like "i love you" and "everything will be fine, you'll be fine."? did he know? was he concious? was his first priority his 3 children? was his first priority his pain? i wonder if she said anything to me or any of us before she died. did she know? was she concious? what was her last thought of? was it of me? was it of my dad? was it of the pain? was it "oh shit"?
for the most part my mother took all the pictures when i was young, so pictures of her, especially ones with me in it, are very very scarce and precious. but the day she died, everyone tells me i refused to leave her side. i wouldnt let her put me down for more than 3 seconds. and someone took a picture. i have it. but i cant let my stepmom see it. she would kill me. i dont know why.
i also have letters she wrote to my grandfather and aunt about me. and somewhere my dad is hiding her journal. that is all i have. that is all i know.
the green woman
3/12/2002
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